What I Could Have Been
by MashPotatoeSquishBanana
Summary: "It's time," Kronos said. This is my moment of truth. The moment where I decide the fate of the world. What do I say? Really, what CAN I say? "Can- Can I have a moment alone?" I asked. My wish is granted. My memories take hold of me. When I am released, I know what my answer is. Kronos has offered. We all know that Luke accepted. But what were his thoughts at the big moment...


**Title: What I Could Have Been**

**Main Character: Luke Castellan**

**Status: One- Shot**

**Hello again. Wow, I'm proud of myself. This is, like, my fifth story in two days. **

**So, before you read this, I advise you read Anchor In The Storm, also by me. I know that in the end Author's Note of that one, I said My Happy Ending would be next, but this one popped into my head and now what was a two- shot is a trilogy. **

**To sum up: read Anchor in the Storm first, this second and My Happy Ending third.**

**Oh, and BE WARNED: THERE IS SWEARING. **

**We clear? Yes? Okay. **

**What are you doing still reading this stupid author's note? You're here to READ THE STORY!**

**As always, enjoy.**

_It's time, Luke Castellan. _Kronos, Lord of Time, said gravely in my head. I gulped.

"N- now?" I didn't think it would be so soon... I thought I had a few more months before...

_Yes_. Though he was only an essence, I could feel the full force of his focus; it was trained on me, his faithful servant.

I looked down at my dirty, white Nikes- something so ordinary and normal in such a place as the black obsidian throne room on Mount Othrys, the Base of the Titans. I thought of what my life had once been.

I had run away at nine years old, scared out of my wits because a god had driven my mum off her rocker. On the run with twelve year old Thalia when I was fourteen. Then we ran into seven year old Annabeth in an alley in Richmond. Those two had been my best friends, my family. I internally winced at the past tense. _Had been._

In fact, Thalia might have been something more, given time and a little privacy. Don't get me wrong, I had loved Annabeth. Quite a lot, actually. But looking after a seven year old when you were just over being a child yourself...

When I remembered the expression on Annabeth's face when the General had ordered her to be bound and gagged, I cringed. I had been there. In body only, though. Where my mind was, I don't know...

There had been so much pain in her eyes. The pain of betrayal, of sadness and the wisdom she'd been forced to hold over her few years of life. I had put those expressions on her face. I focused my mind on my master.

"Can I... can I have a few minutes alone?" I pleaded with him with my eyes.

Kronos grunted. _Very well._

I thought about my days at Camp Half- Blood. With Thalia gone, it was just Annabeth and I. Chiron the centaur had been my mentor. But he was a naive fool, and he had never seen through my false pretences. I didn't like to think about what I had done to him, setting him up with the whole poisoning- Thalia's- tree incident. I had liked him too much, and it made me feel even more guilty.

And Thalia. Thalia. Even just the mere sound of her name gave me goose bumps and a feeling of emptiness that even the greatest riches and power couldn't replace. I had poisoned her. I had poisoned my best friend. Yes, it _did _work out in the end, as that Jackson kid and Annabeth had retrieved the Golden Fleece and healed her just before she... just before she was gone forever, but...

And how ever much it had hurt me to see the pain I had inflicted on Annabeth, it hurt me ten times more to see the look of fury, anguish and bitterness of a broken promise on Thalia's face. Perhaps it was because I had known her longer than Annabeth. I forced myself to keep that thought. But I knew it was more than that.

As I had fought Thalia on top of Mount Othrys, spear and Aegis against Backbiter and invulnerability from my dip in the Styx, as we yelled insults at each other, tried to kill each other, it was still there. That spark we had always felt. Attraction, but still more. It went deeper than that. There was still hope in her eyes, under all the anger and misery, that perhaps I had seen her side. Perhaps we could still be friends. I still hoped for that as well. But I wanted her to join _my _cause. Why should I fight for the gods? What had they ever done for me? My father had left me with that pathetic excuse for a mother... that looney case.

But as Thalia and I had fought, I had felt myself giving up. I wanted her to win. I wanted her to kill me, to end this agony of making hard decisions. I wanted to throw down my sword, to kick her spear from her hand and engulf her in a hug, to pick her up and carry her away from all this god- verses- titan crap. I wanted it to be just us again. On the run from everything. Us two against the world. The way it should be.

But, alas, that was not meant to be. I heard my name. I looked over to see Percy Jackson and Artemis fighting the General. There was an arrow lodged in Atlas's forehead like a unicorn horn. Then off to the side was Annabeth. How could I forget Annabeth? Of course I would bring her, too, if Thalia and I were ever to run away again. She was like my own little sister.

Only when my sword went flying out of my hands and was Thalia's spear at my throat did I realise that Annabeth's voice calling my name had distracted me. I stared down the spear shaft into Thalia's brilliant ice blue eyes. Eyes that held so many memories, good and bad. I resisted the urge to say what was on my mind. The spear didn't budge from where the Celestial Bronze point was nestled in the hollow at my throat. I was sick of this. Of waiting for things that never seemed to happen.

"Well?" I snapped, just wanting it to be over. Thalia hesitated. Instinct took over and I lunged at her, dodging her wild strike, and grabbed for her hand. I wanted to tell her something. But I never got my chance.

I knew that my desperate plan had failed when she kicked me in the chest and I went flying off the edge of the cliff. I knew I wouldn't die- I had dipped in the Styx after all. I heard Annabeth scream my name again. I also heard Thalia scream. I felt a sharp, kind of painful impact on my back. Then all went black.

I sat up and shook my head. I was disorientated, still stuck in my dream vision. I was in the throne room on Mount Othrys, the place that, just a couple of days ago, Thalia had tried to kill me. My heart thudded painfully in my chest at that.

It was my own fault, I know that now. And I was still sore from the rejection I had received yesterday, from Annabeth. I had asked her to join me, now that I knew Thalia was out of the question. I knew that, in the old days, she wouldn't have hesitated to say yes.

But she flatly denied me. I wondered if it had anything to do with any- _cosy _friendships she had at camp. I knew for a fact that she and that jerk Percy Jackson were pretty close. But that she would choose a goofball like _him_ over me... that just hit the spot in my heart.

And then she had blatantly refused to kill me, even though she had just implied that we were official enemies and she had her knife on her while I was unarmed. Gods, that girl is confusing...

So, as you could imagine, I was feeling pretty shitty. Why not just scew everything and say yes to Kronos' offer? I would get power, riches that I couldn't even imagine, a whole army of monsters from Tartarus... what could be wrong with that? I was half blood who was feeling neglected. You can't blame me. What didn't I have that I could have if I accepted this?

_You don't have your friends,_ a pesky little voice in my mind whispered.

_Who needs them? _I thought back harshly. _They hate me, and the feeling is mutual. End of story. _But I knew very well that, as long as I lived, I would never, ever forget the mysterious girl with the gorgeous blue eyes and the punk attitude. I would never forget the blond, brainy little know- it- all who had captured my heart and held it tight in her pudgy, seven year old fist.

I would never forget. They would never forgive. We would all die in the end. So screw everything. Screw them. Screw my life. Nothing was worth it.

I refocused on the Lord of Time. "I'm ready." I said, staring blankly at the deep midnight black wall. I could see my reflection in the depths of the obsidian- was that really _me_? Did I look that scary? That ruthless? Did I... did I really resemble Kronos that much?

I looked away.

_About time, little servant. Brace yourself. _That was all he said before I felt a searing pain in my mind. It felt like my very soul was being ripped from my physical body.

I felt light headed and woozy. An image of a black haired, blue eyed girl popped into my mind. She seemed to be moving backwards. Or was I the one who was moving? I felt a sense of searing loss. I couldn't remember why. I was a bit preoccupied, dealing with intense pain.

All that I was aware of was the blackness seeping over my vision, the sharp pain as I slumped forward and hit my head on the grey marble floor of the throne room. The black haired girl looked at me one last time. Our eyes met and I reached forward with my hand and felt our fingers touch. Warmth seeped from her hand to mine. It warmed from my finger tips right down to my toes. The warmth lingered until frost built up around my body and my body temperature plunged drastically. As Letos stole my vision and Hypnos put me to sleep, the last thought I had was, _Thalia. _

**Thoughts? Like it? Don't like it? I'm begging you, I need more motivation to write.**

**I know everybody says this, but now that I am an author, I can relate: getting positive reviews just makes me feel really warm and happy inside. Because I know that I'm not writing for nothing. I need to know if people actually like my work, or if I should just stuff the whole thing because nobody reads it.**

**Banana out :P**


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